you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
