just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
