yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
