omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
