Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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