thus making me awesome and them whores
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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