highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
