you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
