Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
