did you get engaged???
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
