I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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