loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
