Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
