Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to calm my uterus...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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