I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
These tits shall not be calmed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
