Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
