Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
