is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
