how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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