were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
