she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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