I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
