You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
