These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
