dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
