i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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