You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
