so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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