Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
