Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
