just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
