It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
