this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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