I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
