I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I will be naked everywhere
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
