I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
