Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
