I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
