my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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