So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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