you would pick up someone in the library
and she was petting her beer can
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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