a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
