I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
