Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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