she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
