I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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