She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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