I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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