Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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