I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
