I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
