I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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